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Mostly dead liveblog of Apple’s event

Despite my half-hearted and shameless plea on Twitter for an invite to Apple’s product announcement, I am sitting at my desk in NYC today, sucking on lemons. Lemonade tastes better, so to that end I will be blogging the liveblogs blogging the announcement. Blog, bloggy, blog, blogggggggggggggg. Bla. Guh.

The thing starts at 1pm ET, so come back then for the only mostly dead Apple liveblog set in Hoefler & Frere-Jones’ lovely Whitney ScreenSmart typeface. Can you beat that, Gizmodo or GDGT or Ars Technica or Engadget or The Verge or Macworld?

As a teaser, I’d like to offer the world’s worst prediction for today’s event: Apple announces the iPhone 5. Could you imagine though? After Apple declined the version number bump with the introduction of the 4S, what would a device need to do to warrant it? A fusion energy source? Teleportation? A camera that sees into the future? My money’s on a built-in quadrotor system so that your phone could autonomously run errands for you or spy on your enemies.

Update: Notes will appear here, newest at the top.

The event is over. Thanks for joining me. I miss “one more thing”. :(

So Apple has now used “iPod classic” and “new iPad” for product names. Uh, New Coke?

They are keeping the iPad 2 on sale. $399 for 16 GB Wifi model.

They *still* haven’t told us the name of the new iPad. Is it just iPad? No 3 or 2S or HD or whatever?

John Gruber: “iPhoto looks brilliant.”

The Colts released Peyton Manning. This doesn’t make sense to me.

iPhoto for iPad. Photo editing, effects, photo-beaming, and “photo journals”. $4.99, available today.

iMovie for iPad looks nice…edit 1080p video right on the camera. The trend in devices has always been towards smaller…will the capabilities of the iPad-sized touchscreen make them bigger again?

Henry Birdseye: “I’m waiting for a keynote where Apple says, ‘We don’t have a new, magical iPad for you. The magic was inside you all along. Now go outside.’”

“This new device has more memory and higher screen resolution than an Xbox 360 or PS3.” Your company? There’s an app for that.

The blurry photos taken at the event by the various livebloggers aren’t really doing justice to the new iPad’s retina display. That looks….great?

The stock market is reacting violently to Apple’s news…AAPL is up over 0.06% on the news. Whoa!

App demos. Zzzzzzzz….. Give us more things we can say in words. Words!!

Robin Sloan is in the future, live-tweeting the iPad 8 launch. “Cook listing all the ways people use iPads today: reading, faceblasting, watching 3DHD, drone control, genome browsing, etc. Boring…”

New iPad starts at $499 and it costs the same as the iPad 2 does now. Pre-orders available today, shipping on March 16.

Mike Monteiro: “I bet Schiller looks awesome in HD. You can SEE the individual meals!”

4G LTE. Whatever that means. Fast mobile network I guess. Lots of megaflops per hectare or something. Weird bit of acronym soup from Apple who usually eschews such nonsense.

You can talk to the iPad and it will write down what you said. Not quite Siri I guess?

New iPad will have the same camera as the iPhone 4S. With 1080p video recording.

And they are announcing the newest version of this iPad, which shall remain nameless for now (slide says “The new iPad”). It has a retina display. (Surprise!)

Apparently Apple makes a product called the iPad. Interesting.

iCloud will sync movies. iTunes supports 1080p. New Apple TV (just a box, not a whole TV…at least not yet). $99, available March 16.

iOS 5.1 will be out today.

Nothing yet.